The Baddest b*tches in Herstory

Allie X

The Baddest b*tches in Herstory By Allie X


Hey, it’s me, God
Good girls may go to heaven
But bad girls rule the world
Who’s the baddest b*t*h in herstory?
Well who am I to judge

In the beginning
There were 1, 2, 3
Adam and me and my best friend Steve
They started making out in front of me
That’s when I told them they had to leave
Get out!
They took all the fruit from me
Except the apple on the tree
It was forbidden
God are you kidding?
Then the snake told me to bake an apple pie and not a cake
So I did it
I went and bit it
And then everything went to sh*t
And then I realised I was naked
What
That’s right

You’re not Helen of Troy
You’re not Helen of Troy
You’re not Helen of Troy
I’m Helen of Troy
You’re not Helen of Troy
You’re not Helen of Troy
You’re not Helen of Troy
I’m Helen of Troy
I’m Helen of Troy

I started at the bottom
One stone at a time
I never gave up
I was born for the climb
I left my hieroglyphics and became the Queen of the Nile
Me and Mark Antony hand in hand walking like an Egyptian
Walking around like an Egyptian
Thick eyeliner with a sick profile
And what ha-happened was
I walked my way up to the top of the pyramid
Just like all the boys did
Walked my way up
Walked my way up
Walked my way way way way way up
Top the top of the pyramid
Meow

He turned out into a real pain in the asp

They call me a witch
They call me a liar
Now they wanna set my pu**y on fire
I was the baddest b*t*h
A lady freedom fighter
The voices in my head going off like a choir
La la la, voices in my head
La la la, voices in my head, head
You gonna burn me at the stake
Betta bring some barbecue sauce
When I touch this catholic saint
Betta pray and ask the boss
Saint, sinner, chicken dinner
Holy war, holy winner

La la la, voices in my head
La la la, voices in my head, head
Oh my god, everyone’s talking at once
Shut up

If you are looking to start a revolution
I’ve created a social media solution
Put on your opulent jewels, hair, and dress
And say it in 140 characters, or less
Let them eat cake
Let them eat cake
Let them eat cake, cake, cake, cake, cake
Let them eat cake
Let them eat cake
Let them eat cake
Let them eat cake
Let them eat cake

I had a great many lovers
That I took to bed
Every Tom, d**k, and Egor
And even Mr Edd
There’s more of me to love
With a few extra pounds
Everyone knows that I like to horse around
Horse around, giddy up and get down
I said giddy up
Horse around
Come and take a round on my merry-go-round
Horse around
Get down get down get down get down
Horse around
All of Russia is my stomping ground
I got a nice big carrot, da

I’m Annie Oakley
And this is my band
The sharp shooters
Five, six
Been on my own since I was young
Came out my mama with a gun
A better shot than any one
No one could beat me
But there’s a story y’all don’t know
My draw was fastened his was slow
It really was his time to go
So I went bang bang
Bang bang
These double barrels pumped him full of lead
I went bang bang
Bang bang
He’s six feet under
Lying in my bed
Well, I guess I’m done
Yippee-yi-ki-gay

Por muchos muchos años
I tweezed it every hour
Before I go to bed, I shaved it in the shower
I always thought it made
My Frida face look sour
My uni-uni-uni-uni-uni-unibrow
But mom said “it’s okay!”
To be a unibrow-er
Never be ashamed
Cause it’s a sign of power
So now I paint my face
And not a stupid flower
My uni-uni-uni-uni-uni-unibrow
Uni-uni-uni-uni-uni
Uni-uni-uni-uni-uni
Uni-uni-uni-unibrown
Ay, dios mio, that’s a lot of unis

Okay you know what and you need to pluck off

I’m Eva Perón so honey don’t you cry for me
I’m an actress, model, diva
And the first lady
I give the people hope!
For a better mañana
I was a Evita after all!
I played it better than Madonna
I did it for the right! I did it for the kids!
I did it for the sick and poor!
I did it for the fame, I did it for the money
I did it ’cause I wanted more!
I gave the people joy! I gave the people life!
I gave the people drama!
And I did it! Oh yes I did it!
Better than Madonna!

I’m princess Di, I’m very shy
And the world fell in love with my eyes
To everyone, I was his wife
And we lived out a fairytale life
And then the sh*t hit the fan
I got divorced from my man
He made me give up my crown
But they can’t keep a girl down
Be careful what you wish for
Cause this English rose has thorns

They say it’s a man’s world, we disagree
We’ve been breaking the rules!
-And it started with me!
We’re the baddest b*t*hes in herstory!



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